I Don't Have the Joy to Sing...

I Don’t Have the Joy to Sing by Laura Krämer

The Truth hits me every Sunday when I walk into church and take part in the worship time. The Truth hits me when I force myself to sing songs to our God out of obedience, rather than joy. The truth hits when I pull all my energy to internalize every word of every song and the meaning behind the melody. The Truth always hits hardest when I am angry, fragile, depressed…broken. What Truth is that? The Truth that God never changes. That God is holy regardless of the mood I am in. The Truth that God is always worthy of my praise. That God is faithful. That God is present. That God is here with me right now…in the moment that I am living, in the emotion I am experiencing, the situation I am facing. I connect and meet with God during these Sunday worship services. It is the time during the service that I am personally challenged to respond to my God. My participation is vital to my very soul to interact with our holy God while in this structured environment. Regardless of my mood, I choose to worship out of obedience because sometimes it is the only reason I know. Joy is often depleted through life circumstances. As sad as that may sound, obedience is very powerful in the life of a Christian. I tell myself, it is only a season that I lack the joy to sing and therefore, sing because I must. And sad too, are the moments of worship that I focus on myself, because so much anger has festered in my heart that I physically can not utter a single sound. It takes me, I think, too long to come to terms that this was not meant to be about me, it’s about God. And so, obedience kicks in and I muster the courage to finally make a sound, even if it is in the last note of the last song, and I know my God is pleased. And isn’t that the point, to please God? You see, I have chosen to believe the Truth that my God is worthy of praise, and deserving of my adoration regardless of my present emotional status or circumstance I’m facing. There may not be much emotional fluff or Christian clichés around my thought process…but, I want to remind myself again and again the Truth of who worship is for. It is for God. And it is for a holy God who never changes. And that is a Truth that secures me and drives me to worship Him.